The Story you Tell Yourself Matters
Is yours the story you want to live?
By Betty Louise


What story is playing out in your life? Is your life going in the direction that fulfills you and brings you joy? We create stories in our minds whether we recognize it or not. For many years I told myself: "I hate to cook." I created that story because I had received lots of negative feedback when I prepared meals in the past. I lived that story until one day I realized how much fun it was to create a meal from all these ingredients sitting on the counter. At that moment, I wrote a new story for myself, and now I enjoy planning, shopping and cooking as an expression of my creativity. It really can be that simple to see the stories and change them. There are many aspects of our lives we do not have control over, however, we do get to choose the story we want to tell ourselves about our lives. What follows is an approach to making sure your story is the one you want to live.

#1: It always begins with awareness. We must identify what story we are playing out in our lives before we can evaluate how it is working and make changes. Our stories have many plot lines and some may be working fine while others may need to be adjusted, tweaked or overhauled. The wheel of life is a tool to help you break down your life into concrete aspects for evaluation... sort of like plot lines. Then you will be better prepared to ask yourself which aspects of your life are working well and which ones are not as satisfying?

Insert wheel of life

Practice suggestion: Score the wheel of life by determining your satisfaction of each different area of your life shown. The center of the circle represents 0 (not at all satisfied) and the outer edge represents 10 (extremely satisfied). Score each area from zero to ten and draw an arc across that wedge representing your satisfaction level. For example, I am generally satisfied with my personal growth, so I would draw an arc in the personal growth wedge to represent a seven. This is an intuitive process so take the first number that comes to mind. Date your findings and do this exercise again in a month. Now ask yourself: What stories am I telling myself in the areas that are working well...what stories in the areas that are less satisfying?


#2: We have a cast of characters which are the players in our stories. Each of us is made up of a cast of characters. In any situation you encounter, one or more of these characters step forward to play the leading role in your story. For example, when I am leading a group on a topic in which I am passionate about, my wise woman steps forward and I feel confident and at ease. When I am feeling sad and confused about something in my life, I have several characters ready to star in that part of my story. I have a victim who feeds me lines such as "I have to work so hard to get what I want in life." and a scared 9-year old who feels fearful of the future and all the unknowns. As you discover more of your characters and how and when they show up, you can create movement and rewrite your stories by calling on different members of your cast.

Practice suggestion: In reviewing the wheel of life, look at the area of your life in which you were most satisfied. Imagine the character within you that plays that part of your story. Do the same with a less satisfying area of your life. What is that character wearing? How does he/she move? Is that who you want showing up to handle that part of your story? Remember all your characters are ready and available...you get to write the script and who plays it out.


#3: Rewrite your story by making small scene changes everyday. Rome was not conquered in one day. For lasting change to take place in your life...it involves small shifts moving you in the direction you want to go. After determining how you want to change your story, imagine what character would better serve that aspect of your life. Determine small ways you can change the look of the scene...maybe it is wearing different clothing, having supportive props, writing a few new lines to try out or holding your body in a different position. A past client of mine had a valuable healing gift. She wanted to become a speaker of her healing work and so everyday she spent time trying on different costumes until she found what helped her feel in her most authentic place of power. She even determined the shoes she would wear. Then she imagined the stage for these talks. She spent time researching event facilities until she discovered a new age bookstore which became the perfect setting for her work. This took some time, however, when last we spoke; she had been giving talks there monthly for a year. With small movements everyday, she designed and stepped into the story which was right for her.

Practice suggestion: Design one scene in your life that moves you towards your vision. On your calendar, write down steps you will take each day to step into that scene so that it is played out exactly as you want it to be. Make the steps small and be patient with this process...the smaller the steps, the better.


#4: You must have conviction and commitment to your story if it is to become a reality. Okay, points 1-3 sound good and it is not really that hard. The tough part is in making a commitment to change. How committed are you to changing your story and making it what will truly allow you to live your life with aliveness. One of fulfillment, satisfaction, joy and happiness that is absolutely within your power to create. The steps to writing a new story are not hard, but making the commitment and having the conviction to follow through with your new lines and ways to be is where the rubber meets the road, as they say. Once you begin to feel the empowerment of making small changes and seeing the results of moving towards the life you want to create...you will find new motivation to continue to rewrite lines bringing you in line with the life you deserve.

Practice suggestion: Look at where it has been easy to make a commitment in your life. What made it easy? Who were you at that point in your life? Take some time to imagine bringing that part of you into this place of rewriting part of your story. Write down what changes you want to see and look at it daily. Tell as many people as will listen. Create an affirmation to reinforce how capable you are of making these changes.


When you change the story of who you are, you will begin to act like that person. People will begin to treat you as the new you...you'll begin to believe in the new you...and then it will be true. You are the story you tell yourself...so make yours a good one!

Blessings.